Slight Meltdown - just slight......

Just wanted to send out some mad props to Pat for putting up with me last night.....seriously dude, you are some kind of Saint.

I keep reading in my "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book that the mood swings / emotions are supposed to be evening out, but it appears to me as if they are getting worse. Its just not something I deal with very well. I'm trying to improve, not keep stuff bottled up inside, but sometimes I just explode, and Pat bears the brunt of it. He's the only one here! I would really rather not do that, but I guess sometimes you don't have a choice.

Before I get to what the meltdown was about last night, I must mention this - baby is inside me moving around like a Kung Fu fighter! Mostly he is active in the evenings, just before I go to bed. I've been trying to encourage Pat to "concentrate" and put his hand on my belly and just wait, with the hopes of maybe feeling something, but up until now the kung fu action hasn't been strong enough to feel on the outside. Even our Doc said it might be another month or two.....

Until last night! I think that was the first time he kind of thought he may have felt something :) It was pretty exciting! It still isn't very strong movement, but its strong enough where I can actually see my belly move a bit from the outside, so I figured he'd be able to feel something.

Anyway, back to my meltdown. (side note: why do meltdowns always occur in the middle of the night? Why can't I meltdown, somewhere around, oh, say, the afternoon time? Its like 11:00PM and my body just decides - yes, lets have a crying fest right now, right when you should be sleeping. ugh. Frustrating I tell you!) I occasionally have felt this pang of loneliness while going through this whole pregnancy process. Yes, I realize that Pat is here with me, and trust me, he is a more than incredible mate, and I'm so very fortunate to have one of the good ones......but I think many women, myself included, really would like to bond and share this incredible time of change and craziness with other women important in their lives. Moms, sisters, best friends, cousins - whatever.

Those women in my life are all relatively far away.

Yes, closer to me now than when I was in Mexico - but still far away where I don't get to do silly things like preggo clothes shopping or evening ice cream runs with them or even *gasp* have them make a fuss over me (how horribly selfish of me, no? hey man, I'm just being honest here). I communicate through email, phone calls, etc, but its just not enough to really share the experience with them. Although I am beginning to make friends here, that is still not the same, either. Then, those thoughts brought up the realization that Pat and I are going to be raising this child alone. That's pretty much when I lost it. Having grown up with all my family close at hand was really a fantastic thing - there was always someone around to help, to teach, to show you the way. And not to say that I'm afraid we won't be able to do it, because we will - and I know we will be great parents - its just that comfort of knowing that your mom or aunt could swing by at a moments notice is no longer there. And that is sometimes a scary, overwhelming feeling!

But - today is a new day. Bright, happy and wonderful. I'm wearing my new maternity bras I purchased last Friday (Pat even went shopping with me - poor guy! He's SUCH a trooper!) and my boobs are looking (and feeling) fabulous and supported (albeit GIANT), and of course, my belly is rounding out and really starting to look pregnant instead of chubby! That, my friends, is very exciting!